How to Build Trust in Your Relationship: Proven Strategies Backed by Expert Research

Building trust is the backbone of any successful relationship. Without it, emotional connection, intimacy, and happiness can all suffer. Many couples struggle when trust starts to fade, leading to misunderstandings, arguments, or even breakup. The good news is, trust can be rebuilt — but it takes effort and a clear plan.

Based on years of research by Dr. John Gottman, there’s a simple, step-by-step approach to grow trust in your partnership. This method, called "A TTUNE," offers practical actions you can start today. By working through each step, you’ll strengthen your bond and create a safer, more loving relationship.

Why Trust Is Critical for Healthy Partnerships

The Power of Trust in Relationships

Trust fuels emotional safety. When you trust your partner, you feel secure sharing your deepest feelings. It fosters intimacy and makes both partners more committed. Research shows that couples with high trust tend to be happier, more forgiving, and better at resolving conflicts. Without trust, even small disagreements can turn into big problems.

What Happens When Trust Is Broken?

Broken trust causes pain and distance. It leads to suspicion, jealousy, and even resentment. Imagine a partner hiding things or acting distant — that erodes emotional safety. Over time, this can cause a relationship to break down, sometimes beyond repair. Trust issues often require careful healing and patience to mend.

The Building Trust Framework: The "ATTUNE" Process

What is "A TUNE"?

The acronym "ATTUNE" guides you through six key actions to build trust. Each step focuses on emotional connection and understanding, rather than quick fixes or advice-giving. This process is based on Gottman’s findings and offers a clear path for deepening your relationship.

Here's what each letter stands for:

• A: Aware of emotions

• T: Turn toward your partner

• T: Tolerate different viewpoints

• U: Understand your partner

• N: No defensiveness

• E: Empathy

Let’s explore each step in detail.

Enhance Emotional Awareness ("A" in ATTUNE)

Recognizing Your Partner’s Feelings

Being aware of your partner’s emotions means noticing what they’re feeling, even if they don’t say it aloud. It’s like being emotionally tuned-in—spotting sadness, anger, or frustration on their face or in their tone. This awareness builds trust because it shows you care and understand.

Simple Ways to Practice

• Pay attention to small cues like facial expressions or posture.

• Ask yourself, “Are they upset? Are they stressed?”

• When you see something’s off, gently say, “You look sad today. Want to talk about it?”

The more you tune in, the more your partner feels seen and understood.

Turn Toward Your Partner ("T" in ATTUNE)

Reaching Out During Emotional Moments

Turning toward your partner means responding when they need you. Instead of ignoring or avoiding, ask open questions like “What happened?” or “Are you okay?” This shows you're there for them.

Why It Matters

Rejecting your partner when they’re upset creates distance. But showing concern — even for small issues — builds trust. It’s like saying, “I’m on your side,” every time you listen.

Practical Tips

• When your partner looks frustrated, don’t dismiss it.

• Say something simple: “It seems like something’s bothering you. Want to share?”

• Avoid jumping to solutions too quickly; just listen first.

These small acts of support make your partner feel safe and valued.

Tolerate Different Viewpoints ("T" in ATTUNE)

Embracing Diversity in Ideas

Differences are natural in any relationship. Sometimes, your partner will think or feel differently. Accepting these differences is vital to trust.

How to Practice

• Remember, “It’s not wrong, it’s just different.”

• Be patient when you disagree.

• Avoid trying to change your partner immediately. Instead, listen and respect their view.

This openness boosts trust because it shows acceptance, not judgment.

Strive to Understand ("U" in ATTUNE)

Deepening Your Comprehension

Understanding means genuinely trying to see the world from your partner’s perspective. It’s more than listening; it’s about empathizing with what they’re feeling.

How to Do It

• Ask open questions like "Can you tell me more?" or "Help me understand."

• Summarize what they say: "So, you’re upset because…"

• Remember: understanding comes before fixing or advising.

When your partner feels truly understood, trust grows naturally.

Respond Non-Defensively ("N" in ATTUNE)

Handling Criticism with Calmness

It’s normal to feel defensive when someone points out a flaw. But defending yourself can damage trust. The goal is to stay open and calm, even when you disagree.

How to Practice

• Catch yourself if you feel anger or blame rising.

• Take a breath.

• Respond with curiosity, saying, “I hear you. Tell me more.”

• Focus on feelings, not accusations.

This non-defensive stance invites future honesty and fosters trust.

Practice Empathy ("E" in ATTUNE)

Connecting Emotionally

Empathy is about stepping into your partner’s shoes. Imagine how they feel and show that you care.

Ways to Build Empathy

• Use facial expressions that show understanding.

• Say things like, “I can see this hurts you.”

• Share a similar experience: “I felt that way when…”

• Show compassion, through words and body language.

Consistent empathy tells your partner, “I’m with you, no matter what.”

The Attunement Approach: Being Present for Your Partner

Making Trust-Boosting Connections

Attunement means genuinely being there when your partner needs you. It’s not about giving advice but simply listening and showing support.

How to Practice Attunement

• Maintain eye contact and open body language.

• Focus fully on their words and feelings.

• Ask gentle questions to clarify thoughts.

• Be consistent in your presence.

The more you attune, the deeper the sense of trust you build.

Practical Tips for Building and Keeping Trust

• Regularly check in with your partner’s emotions.

• Practice open-ended questions daily.

• Respond with kindness and patience.

• Accept differences without criticism.

• Be consistent and patient in your efforts.

Building trust isn’t a one-time event; it’s an ongoing journey.

Conclusion

Trust is fragile but also incredibly strong when nurtured properly. The "ATTUNE" process offers a simple but powerful way to grow that trust through emotional connection, understanding, and empathy. Every effort you make in these areas deepens your relationship and creates a safe space for both of you to thrive.

Remember, trust isn’t built overnight. It’s a daily practice—something you choose to do with intention. Start today, and watch your relationship become more resilient, loving, and fulfilling.

For more insights, stay tuned for upcoming guides on rebuilding trust after betrayal. Your journey to a stronger relationship begins now.

• Dr. Brian Clemmons, Ph.D. LMHC, LPC